Hollow Knight: Silksong might be the first game I love that pushes me away

Even though my life revoles around video games, I wouldn't consider myself to be all that good at them. I'm not awful, by any means, and I can hold my own playing just about anything once I get my head around the controls and mechancis. Even challenging games or games that are notoriously difficult. It might take me longer than the average playtime on HowLongToBeat, but eventually, I'll get there.

I might currently be playing the exception to that rule, though - Hollow Knight: Silksong. The only game anyone is talking about right now after it finally launched following a seven year wait and quite literally broke parts of the internet. I've been exploring Pharloom like countless others and, in case you haven't heard, this game is really fucking difficult.

Even though I haven't played the original Hollow Knight, I was expecting a challenge. Not only are metroidvanias usually pretty tricky, but I have a lot of Hollow Knight fans in my life who spoke about the first game's difficulty level. Those same people have admitted that Silksong is a significant step up, and I won't lie to you, gang I'm struggling.

Things started so well. I skipped merrily from area to area, collecting rosaries, unlocking maps, and jotting down new areas with Hornet's quill as I went. Even when I did hit my first brick wall, I quickly realised I was somewhere I shouldn't be. I left, returned once I had unlocked a new ability, and progressed with relative ease. Standard, but very good, metroidvania stuff.

Even the (very) early boss fights were exactly what I had hoped for. Battles that took me 10, sometimes 20 attempts to win, but designed in a way that I felt like I was learning and getting a little bit better each time. Reminiscent of Metroid Dread, which is good as that is not only my favourite metroidvania of all time, but one of the best games ever in my opinion, regardless of genre.

The twist in my Silksong story didn't come until I reached Greymoor. In Greymoor, there's an area where you are forced to fight wave after wave of bird enemies. If you have played Silksong, you will know what I'm talking about and likely just had some sort of video game flashback. Sorry about that.

This torturous bird room didn't give me the same feeling that Silksong's boss fights do. I didn't feel like I was chipping away at them with every attempt. Some of the enemies' movement felt random, making it impossible to learn and master how to avoid or counter their attacks. At times it felt like my successes were down to sheer luck, including when I eventually beat those pesky birds with the final enemy getting knocked back and killed when it struck me as I was trying to heal.

After two days (yes, I was stuck in that room for two days) fighting birds, I was free to carry on with my Silksong journey. The anger and frustration melted away and I fell in love with the game all over again. I fought the Moorwing boss after that and was reminded of just how good the game's boss fights can be. Patterns and attacks you need to pay close attention to so that you have the edge. That feeling of slowly getting better and better with each attempt was back.

Now here I am, another day later, writing to all of you about how, despite my love for this game, I'm considering throwing in my cloak. I've spent the afternoon trying and failing to defeat Sister Splinter, the next big boss I need to fell on my way to the Citadel. For the most part, it's another enjoyable boss fight. However, the sheer amount of time I've spent on it already, and knowing how much game there is still to go, I'm not sure I've got what it takes to go all the way.

As rewarding as it feels to overcome a boss fight or a tricky area in Silksong, I can't help thinking how much more of this there is to come, and how much harder it's going to get. I mean, I'm still in act one for christ's sake! I'm assuming this is a three act game and, at this rate, it's going to take me about 50 hours to get through it.

That's not an exaggeration either. Shout out to HowLongToBeat a second time, apparently, the average time it takes to beat Silksong is 24 and a half hours. That I will almost certainly take twice that amount of time if I make it to the bitter end is starting to make me think that, for the first time in my life, I may have found a game I love that's not for me based on nothing more than its punishing difficulty spikes.

I really do love Silksong, too. I have no qualms leaving a game behind if I simply don't like it, which is why I know I like Silksong, even when it feels like I hate it. That love might be enough to keep me chugging along, clocking up 50 hours until I can finally say "I did it!" even if it did take me twice as long as everyone else. As it stands, though, if I find myself in anything else like that bird room, I'm not going to like it, but I may have to tap out.

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